not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
