Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
