is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
