Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I will pee on everything he values.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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