I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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