We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
