His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
