I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
