I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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