Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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