I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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