I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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