I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
