It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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