So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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