Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
