TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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