By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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