Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
