I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
