so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
vagina is talking i cant
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
