I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
