The maid of honor just puked.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize