Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
