the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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