do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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