Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
