Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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