It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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