she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
