So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
