I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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