I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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