why didn't you poke me back
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
