i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
