Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
