He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
