Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
