If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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