Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i think i just lost a toe
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
