I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
