absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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