We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
