You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize