Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
