I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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