I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
