and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
