so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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