Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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