Cold hands, warm shart.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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