I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
