considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
