there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
