last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
