K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
