I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
