No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
