my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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