Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
