me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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