Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
