Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
