Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
