Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
