super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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