ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
