Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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