so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
