You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
