Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
